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Leave The Academy Awards Alone Already!

Ok, here’s the deal.  There’s nothing really wrong with the Academy Awards.  What’s wrong is giving attention to all the crybabies out there that have to open their mouths after every show.  “It’s too long, it’s too safe, nobody cares…”  Shut the fuck up already!  Jesus Christ will you people please go away already!  The only thing wrong with the show is you bitches complaining about it and of course the Academy making the mistake of  listening and trying to change it to make your dumb ass’s happy.   What they don’t get and that I do is, you fucking crybabies will never be happy!  They could send the hottest actresses and actor door to door to suck and fuck you idiots and you would still complain!  Leave the fucking show alone!

I have never complained that a show was too long.  In my humble opinion they are too short. Now, I don’t really care about every single category. But, lots of people do and I respect that.  And, I like to see what they have to say, there’s something hopeful about seeing the happiness of people getting an award that is pretty much considered the highest honor you can receive in the industry.  To actually be singled out by your peers as the best!  How cool is that.

So here are my suggestions for the Academy.  First and foremost, stop listening to the people complaining.  There is an old saying that the squeaky wheel gets the oil.  Though that may be true.  Life isn’t a bike and a squeaky wheel isn’t an opinion, it’s a fact, a problem in need of a solution.

In reality, people who complain are just that.  They are people who are so unhappy with their own life that they feel it an imperative that they have to infect everyone else with their unhappiness.  Don’t listen to these idiots, they are not the “General Public”.  They are not and have never been the majority.  The majority doesn’t write letters, they don’t complain, they just watch and have fun.

Next, speed up some of the less popular categories.  I have no problem watching them as I have already stated but there is a method to my madness here.  Knock them out quick and make them part of the un-televised portion.  So you can announce them and show some clips from it.

This leads up to the reason why you do that.  This is the biggest entertainment show of the year and there’s very little entertainment any more.  Why aren’t there more scenes from the top nominated films?  Why aren’t we seeing the songs and music being performed?  This is an awards show about fims, so make the show more like a film.  You need a beginning, middle and end to it.  You start out the show getting to know the characters (the movies).  It doesn’t matter if no one has seen the films, that’s the point of the show!  Introduce them the films to be honored, talk about them, show more clips.

As it is right now, it’s possible that by the end of the show a best picture nominee might have only had a clip of it shown once, maybe twice.  People need to care about every film.  When you go to see a movie, in most cases unless it’s a sequel or an adaptation of a book, no one knows the characters before the movie starts.  But, by the end of the film we do care, we can laugh and cry and even have our opinions changed or our thoughts and belief’s questioned.  That is the power of film and it is sadly lost at the Academy Awards because too much time is wasted on glitz and glamour.

The show should start by introducing us to the top 6 or so categories.  Best Film, Actors, Supporting, and Directing.  Picture this, the host does his number. Then he introduces last years winners for best supporting actor and actress.  They talk about this years nominees and what made their performances stand out.  Show clips from the work they are nominated for.  Next you go to best actors with the same format.  The previous years winners come out do the same for this years nominees.  Then the best director comes out, some format, talks about what a director does, why these nominated directors are special and so on, then more and different clips.  This leads into the best picture and have last years winner or winners come out.

This all will take up a good amount of time, 2o minutes, maybe more.  Then you segue with something like, “… But it takes more than just great acting and directing to make a movie, there’s sound and editing, special FX and costumes, set design to night we celebrate them all here!”

So you call out the presenters for the fist category, they step out and take a look at each film and announce the winner.  You knock out a few like this.  By now, we know who and what the top five films are and have announced some winners.  Then we take a look at one of the best pictures.  The director or producer, one of the actors, or all of them talk about the film, what they tried to accomplish with it.  Then some more awards.  Then we talk about the next best film nominee.  And we continue with this format until all the films have been talked about.  By now, even if we haven’t seen a film, we care about it.  We know about what went in to its making the movie.  And, most of all, we know about the movies nominated for best film even if we haven’t seen them.  We have listened to the actors and directors in the films.

Now we’re ready to care about who wins!  Even though we didn’t see The Artist, we know about the people in it, we saw clips, we know the actors, we saw the scenes and listened to those that made the film.  We have an interest in how it does.

I think this is what is missing from the show.

Woman attacked on Twitter For Joking About Chris Browns Abuse!

Woman attacked on Twitter For Joking About Chris Browns Abuse!

Douche Bag and RihannaSo I am enjoying my morning porcelain thrown time and as usually checking out my CNN App.  I read an article titled, “Chris Brown appearance creates tweet storm“.  I click on it because I think Chris is a douche.  I don’t think he should have been allowed back to the Grammy’s so soon.  At least not until he is off probation for beating the shit out of Rihanna.  My hope, as I clicked the link, was that a great many tweeters?  Twits?  Whatever.  My hope was that people were outraged by his performance.

Nope as it turns it, the article is about some girl who made a joke.  Really?  Our livesKick A Puppy have become easy and simple that all people have to protest about now is a fucking joke?  This is the big moral problem?  It was joke?  That’s all.  Sure it was in bad taste, that’s what makes it funnier to some people.  And, what was this girls big joke?  Did she make a joke threatening to kill Chris?  Did she make a joke threatening to kill Rihanna?  Did she make a joke about both and throw in wanting to kick puppies?  Nope, she just said, “I’d let Chris Brown beat me any time.”  I get it, it was cute, it was a little funny.  It was a joke.  If you don’t like it, don’t fucking laugh at it.  But for gods’ sake don’t bitch slap the women telling it.

I am reminded of a time several years ago.  My mother had this Toyota Rav4.  It was really old.  The rear door was actually a door and not a tailgate and window.  So it opened out like a door and the little min-hydraulics that should hold it open had long since stopped working.  In Southern California, in the small city of Rialto when it gets windy, it’s no joke.  My mother had just been shopping and was bringing in the groceries.  She opened the back door of the Rav4 and started to grab some bags.  The wind blows, the door sings shut and slams into her eye.  She gets this horrible bruise.

I get a call from mother telling me about it and how now my father doesn’t want to go anywhere with her until it heals so people don’t think he’s beating her.  I explain that I don’t blame him and we laugh about it.

A few days later my mom calls again, she wants to go shopping, I need to pick up some things so I think, cool, I will go with her.  I drive over to her house and pick her up.  As soon as she walks out of the house I see that black eye.  I think shit!  Now everyone is going to think I beat her!

Sure enough everyone is looking at me as I walk with my mother through the store.  By the time we get to the checkout stand I can’t stand it any longer.  I had asked her a question, I don’t recall what it was.  Something like, “Didn’t you get chips?”  She nods her head “No” and I shout back, “Women!  Don’t make me tell you again!”  We both just start laughing and I am sure everyone else had no idea what just happened. But, we just laughed and laughed.  it was a joke.  We weren’t condoning anything, it was just a joke.  It wasn’t a comment on society or a support of violence against women.

Some jokes are just so wrong they are funny.  I believe there is a fine line between what is funny and what is not.  However, I don’t think anyone person should be left as judge, jury and joke police.  There are a lot of people in this world that I don’t think are funny.

Sam Kinison ComedianFew comedians were as bad as one of my all time favorites, Sam Kinison.  For Christmas one year I got this Sam Kinison DVD set. It had three of his biggest stand up events.  A ton of special features by family and friends.  At the time I had gotten this, it had been about six months since I had a break up with women that I loved dearly.  She broke my heart, cheated on me, was an alcoholic and she was married.  The relationship was doomed from the start.  But, you can’t help who you love.  I hadn’t smiled much in that six months since I left her.  But, that Christmas Eve, I got home and put on that DVD.  His first special, the best one.  I hadn’t heard it in years and I never laughed so hard in my life.  It was such a release.  His comedy was so wrong but damn it, he was funny.  I was in tears laughing so hard.

The other two stand up specials on the disks weren’t that funny to me.  Even with my anything goes sense of humor, I found it to be not so much funny as just mean spirited.  That kinda humor, I don’t like.  I am not sure what makes one joke about some kinda abuse funny and another mean spirited.  So, for me, I don’t analyze it much. I personally feel the intent behind a joke is what makes it funny.  It can be “racist” or “sexist” as long as the intent behind it I feel isn’t racist or mean spirited.  For example, one of my favorite jokes is about Helen Keller.  “Why couldn’t Helen Keller Drive?  Because she’s a woman!”  Now, I think women can drive just fine.  But, there is a stereo-type about them being bad drivers.  I get it!  Now, that same joke could be told by someone who really believes all women are bad drivers. Someone who really hates women, he could tell the joke and it changes the whole thing.  It would go from being funny and absurd to not so much a joke but a social commentary on a woman’s ability to drive.

So for the most part, I don’t try to over analyze jokes, if it makes me laugh than it’s funny, if it doesn’t than it’s not.  However, if I don’t laugh at it, I don’t go shouting to the world about how said comedian isn’t funny and mean spirited.

I just find it sad that in this day and age the best some idiots can come up with is to use a joke to bring attention to their cause.  Shame on them.  Their actions are disgusting.  There’s a difference between telling a joke about domestic violence and actually beating the shit out of a women.  And, if you’re too stupid to see that, then obviously you’ve never had the shit beat out of you by some dude.  Or, you have, and in that case, you really are an idiot because you actually think a bad joke is just as bad as domestic violence.

Henny Youngman ClassicThe point to all of this is that for the most part, a joke is

Ralph Kramden To The Moon Alice

 just a joke.  It’s the wrongness of jokes that usually makes them funny.  When “Henny” Youngman joked, “Take my wife, PLEASE!”  It was just a joke, he really didn’t want you to take his wife. He loved his wife and they stayed married till her death.  When Ralph Kramden joked, “To the Moon Alice!”  He wasn’t really going to beat his wife.  It was just a joke by a fictional character on an old TV show.  These are
classics of comedy here and what Sarah did is no different!  So get off her back you moronic, hypocritical idiots!

Attention Whore Look at Me

Most of you are nothing but attention whores and I refer specifically to Dana Edell, the Executive Director of SPARK and Jennifer Pozner the director of the media analysis group, Women in Media &
News.  Your comments on the topic are shallow and self-serving.  You should however be proud of your attention whore status.  I guess if a man abuses a women mentally or physically it’s a problem.  But, when you two attacked Sarah and the others who made similar comments, it’s all good.  You’re hypocrites and so much worse than just a bad joke, because you actually meant the shit you said.